Shhh. It’s getting colder out there. When I notice
this, I wonder if I will miss the people I call home?
Some days I walk along the crescent space where
granulated stone meets salty waters- and I think I
might jump in – just like…But I read her so long ago.
Wasn’t that a past self who drudged so deeply? Perhaps
she was here – all along – whispering to go further
and further until all that remains are distant images
of abandoned, desolate, islands.

peace baby

let's talk about peace baby-

let's talk about peace, baby- inwardly and outwardly and cosmically and systemically.
sometimes i wonder if women held more leadership roles, would the world have more peace- more pro-active heads of states regarding diplomacy? or would women lead through an internalized lens of gendered behaviors typical of the opposite sex. however, if traditionally feminine values of communication, empathy, and self-reflection developed in men - if society welcomed these values- if families respected these values in their boys - could we find greater peace in our homes, in our neigborhoods, in our countries, in our world? or do biological forces exist that transcend learned behaviors - such as aggression and material drives.

eh, and at the end of the day - i struggle to find peace in my own mind. too much chaos- too many conflicting views in just one individual. when i become consciously aware that my brain is in full job mode- yearning for a 5 or 10 minute break - i want to find a peaceful moment. this is hard to find. goals, the self-doubting, the to-do lists loom. i need to work on my own peaceful rythmns- how can i expect a world to change when my being feels challenged by the need to shift. i guess peace exists in a moment, in a gesture- in ourselves and around our being - when mindfulness begins and tension of muscles, land boundaries, sexual drives, diverse values and economic supremacy are acknowledged then released.

fields

there's a field of psychology (classically psychoanalytic thought) that believes in naming the past in order to overcome subconscious burdens. personally, i believe in this process when mixed with a dash of mindfulness and a teaspoon of cognitive behavioral therapy. today, i bask in the brilliance of identifying just what i need to let go of - and then presto, enchanting my reality with the knowledge that i can choose who exists (most of the time) within it. further, a valuable goal of psychoanalytic
therapy entails the capacity to shift abstract sensations into language or explicit images. today, i am looking at and hearing all that i can remember about icky aspects of my past. the red of that car. the yellow of this room. the whisper of our nights. the ghosts are dancing freely and decadently in my mind. but i know the ghosts are no longer real. now my sisters and my dearest friends - may you no longer be confused with ghostly strangers - for i now recognize the difference. my sisters and dearest friends are full of substantiated grace, warmth and beauty.

escape with this landscape

photo taken by a close friend in the fall of 2006 near quebec city. i am looking out over a fresh blend of greens and browns. noticing a theme in my photos and writing - they are not yet of my daily life. they are not even in the country of which i am a citizen. perhaps i think it's more enchanting to explore my escapes or exceptional adventures. regardless, this photo makes me happy. i love the way my unbrushed hair sort of appears as golden orangey-brown as the shades of the natured landscape. i remember feeling so refreshed and hopeful in this spot - just miles north of quebec city on the ile d'orleans. the island is about three miles in circumference. as one drives around the island - it is encouraged to stop at the various hard-cider and home-made chocolate shops. in the middle of late fall, when i visited, my friend and i had to ring the door bell to be let into the otherwise locked shops adjacent to the shopkeepers' homes. we were often the only patrons. the shop-owners spoke only french. i knew enough french to be polite or purchase goodies, and yet- was able to benefit from inexperience with the language that led to focusing on other aspects of the human experience beyond dialogue - dress, taste, and gesture. i loved this day, and the energy, colors, distance from english language and raw late fall air suited me - marvelously.

photo

photo on blog. me wondering through Linz, Germany. grandma's hometown before she left the place to save her jewish ass at age 18. she was the only surviving member of her southern german family. she had a cold personality but shared her heart and early life stories with me the year before she died. i was 12. she remains an important influence in my life. during my visit to Linz, close friends and i found the street on which my grandma grew up. an eight by eleven inch copper memorial now rests where once twelve small jewish family homes were situated. in jewish tradition, i left two stones that i had brought from my hometown in the usa. today, Linz is a well preserved, non-bombed tourist town on the Rhine. almost all the homes and buildings have been well kept (including the catholic school she attended)- except for trudi's home and neighbors'. she once told me that she survived as long as she did, and gained employment cause she 'didnt look jewish'. i think i inherited her eyes, nose, and melancholy mood.